Friday, May 28, 2010

American Idol 9 Wrap-Up: 15 Worst Performances

This season sucked bigtime that I decided not do a Top 10 worst performances - just like what I did with Season 7 and Season 8 - but instead stubbornly add 5 more songs for everyone to suffer. Haha.

Here are the 15 worst performances of this season:

I wanted to rank this higher, but for some reason I couldn't. It was like I was hypnotized into quasi-enjoying this very confusing performance. Was it the glitter that she bathed herself with? Haha. At some moments this performance was glorious and at others it was humiliating. I don’t know.

Hey, so you know what was great about Tyler? You do? Good, could you tell me? Haha.

Siobhan showed a few couple of brilliant moments when the last part kicked in that reminded me just how powerful this girl can be when she is on point, but the the first half was so horrendous the off-key moments were enough to fill a small sinking boat.

Yeah, this was a bit of a train wreck. And just when I thought Casey was static with his guitar, he looked positively lost without it. I never heard him sound so off-pitch, he strained on some of the high notes and his vibrato was all over the place in that performance.

No Aaron, You're NOT!!

It’s sad to think about how powerful Andrew Garcia once was in this competition, but with this performance, he proved that it was then next to impossible for him to win American Idol. Really. This was lazy and contrived.

Lacey Brown looks like Tinkerbell. She always looks so magical! Haha. This performance, however, was not. Thank you very much.

The song was halting and clumsy, the notes were on and off, and her vocals sounded thin and on edge. Simply put, she just slaughtered an entire village of notes with that performance.

Who else thinks that Chris Golightly killed Tim Urban and is now wearing his skin as a suit? Haha. Ok. Don't get me wrong, practically everything else was a pretty solid vocal up until he went to his weak falsetto and everything just came out sounding awful.

He was so busy auditioning his voice for Cirque du Soleil Acrobatics that he made every note in this social anthem unrecognizable. Oh, and don't get me started with how he murdered the English language, “I rocks my..” isn’t appropriate in any country - even a third world one.

So, I’m going to try and say this in a really simple way. Here it goes.. *ahem* THIS WAS #$%@ING AWFUL! Haha. There! It looked like a good song choice on paper, but it just murdered the poor girl. And even though she was as good a live singer as the original "artist", her vocals were unfortunate.

He screeched like a pterodactyl, to a point where midway through his performance, the melody actually stood up and walked away. Haha. But really, this was the week wherein Jermaine decided it was in his best interest to scream at me. What did I do wrong, Jermaine?! Why were you so angry with me? Haha.

Oh, no. This made me want to kill myself. That’s right.. a song called Smile made me want to commit suicide. There were flat moments, there were sharp moments, and then there were moments where Paige defied all music theory and messed up in an entirely new way. Congratulations!

This wasn't as bad as Kristy Lee Cook's Eight Days A Week, but it was just as weird. Probably one of the worst mutilation of a classic song I've ever seen/heard. Yes. EVER!

If this is a shock to you then you are probably Helen Keller. Haha. This performance was far worse than Smile, and I thought that was as bad as Paige could sing. I was, unfortunately, wrong. Why does Paige hate Phil Collins? What did he do to her? This was so bad it seemed like revenge.

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